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📐 How To Become The Architect Of Your Emotional World
Published about 1 year ago • 6 min read
Hey Reader,
Welcome to this week’s edition of Living Better, where we unravel the intriguing Theory of Constructed Emotion.
Could it be that our emotions are not just reactions, but creations? The Theory of Constructed Emotion analyzes this question and asks us, how can we shape our emotions?
Let's dive into how this concept can transform our emotional resilience and daily happiness.
At the heart of the Theory of Constructed Emotion is a revolutionary idea: emotions are not automatic responses but constructed by our brains based on past experiences, predictions, and current context.
This means that how we feel isn't just a response to what happens to us—it's shaped by our expectations, cultural background, and personal history.
So, why does this matter?
Understanding this theory can empower us to reshape our emotional responses to better suit our lives and goals.
Rather than being at the mercy of our feelings, we can train our brains to construct emotions that lead to more productive behaviors and thoughts.
Quote
"Emotions are not built-in but made from scratch as your brain interprets the world, using past experience to guide your actions."
- Lisa Feldman Barrett
How To Redesign Your Emotional Landscape
By actively choosing which emotions we cultivate, we can lead more fulfilled and controlled lives. Here are four steps to becoming the architect of your emotional world:
Mindful Awareness: Start by observing your emotions without judgment. Recognize when you feel a certain way and consider what thoughts or predictions might be constructing these feelings.
Cultural Lens: Reflect on how your cultural background might influence your emotional responses. Are there certain emotions you feel more strongly because of cultural expectations?
Reframe Your Narrative: When faced with a challenging situation, actively reframe the narrative. If you're anxious about a presentation, instead of thinking, "I'm nervous because I might fail," consider the thought, "I’m excited to share my knowledge."
Predictive Power: Use your understanding of past experiences to construct beneficial emotions. If you know certain activities or environments make you happy, seek them out more often.
Your Constructed Emotion Challenge
Understanding and applying the Theory of Constructed Emotion can be your toolset for building a more joyful, resilient life.
Every day, we have the opportunity to reconstruct our emotional landscape. Whether it’s turning stress into excitement or disappointment into a learning experience, the power lies within our perception.
This week, choose one emotion that frequently challenges you and apply one of the four strategies above to reconstruct this emotion in a way that benefits rather than hinders you.
Next, observe the changes not only in how you feel but also in your interactions and achievements.
POLL: Which strategy above are you most likely to try?
Dive into heartwarming stories and inspiring journeys from fellow Living Better members!
This week, we're highlighting Kristen's sweet story:
"Motherhood didn’t quite come out as I expected.
As a little girl, I imagined what the saving of my ballerina outfits and wedding dress would mean. I held onto the expectation I would one day have a little girl. I imagined she would be like me, look like me, and want to twirl and spin in all my beautiful dresses.
And then life: infertility, loss amongst healthy pregnancies, and two, still very much like me, boys.
It was a boys' house, full of sporting events I couldn’t care less about, video games I would lose, and a limited variety of cute clothing.
I loved my boy house, being the only woman within a 100 foot radius. I was revered through any sickness, scary night, and snuggles while watching 'Space Buddies.'
Sometimes I had given up hope; other days, I was wistful. And then she was there...unexpected and beautiful and full of life I had never carried.
And she didn’t want to wear my sparkly ballerina dress. She rejected it within two seconds, only accepting the wedding dress and its sparkles to merely reiterate that she was the queen.
But still, she dresses up, only when she wants to, like the strong-willed woman I know she will become.
She plays with cars and dotes on the men in her life and loves any excuse to get dirty. She is all girl, and nothing like the daughter I saw in my mind as a child. And I am thankful.
I am thankful she is beautifully black.
I am thankful she has a strong birth mom.
I am thankful for my husband who notices our children’s differences and finds joy in them.
I am thankful for her two loving, protective brothers who are willing (and sometimes not so willing) to allow her to play in their rooms and with their toys.
I am thankful for the black women in my life who call me out when I need to do better, and fully love and embrace our girl.
I am thankful she is strong-willed like our AJ, but goofy like our Jackson.
I am thankful she makes my husband 'dinosaur dance' while wearing capes and calling him a queen.
I am thankful she loves Toy Story, Frozen, and every Disney movie I also loved.
I am thankful she is both mine and her birth family’s. That she is her own person who never listens to reason and rationalizes her defiance.
I am thankful for what I lost being what we won and for the way life can give one all the things one needs without perfectly dealing out what one may think you wanted.
I am just, merely, thankful.
You don’t have to wear the sparkly ballerina outfit, my girl. You shine just wonderfully on your own."
Designer, bestselling author, and founder of the School of Joy. I help people find more joy in life and work through design. Join more than 45,000 readers who receive our weekly treasure trove of science-backed tips, delightful discoveries, and inspiration for living a better life.
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