November 10, 2023 | Read Online

Hey Reader,

Welcome back to Living Better—your ultimate guide for actionable insights, evidence-based advice, and captivating personal stories.

What does it mean to feel an intense sense of connection and belonging?

What truly makes a family?

And how can love define how we live?

Today we’ll look into the science and soul of adoption and community-building, unraveling how our chosen bonds significantly enhance our well-being and contribute to a life well-lived.

Today's Sneak Peek...

Long-Form Reads: Adult Adoption, Foster Youth, Belonging, Unconventional Parenthood, Chosen Family, Parent-Teacher
Science: Social Identity & Benefits Of Belonging.
Quote: The Nature Of Adoption.
Beyond LWM: Finding Family.
Strategies: How To Form Strong Connections.

Long-Form Reads

MEET ANNIE, the adult adoptee who found her forever family after almost losing hope.

"We all need families. No one outgrows the necessity of having a tribe to call their own. But biology isn't required..."

READ ANNIE'S STORY

MEET JANE, the former foster youth who found belonging when she least expected it.

“Like many foster youth, I set out to destroy myself. When I couldn’t see my future on the other side of trauma, family #14 chose to…”

READ JANE'S STORY

MEET RUBY, the assault survivor forever grateful for her "second family" who took her in.

“This holiday season, I won't be just thankful for the food, but for my extended family who has taken me under their wing for the last 4 years…”

READ RUBY'S STORY

MEET CASEY, the adoptive mom sharing her unconventional journey to parenthood.

“He looked at me and said, ‘I've never had real parents before. I've waited my entire life to be treated the way y’all treat me,'...”

READ CASEY'S STORY

MEET KELLY, the woman explaining the power of friendship and chosen family.

“I never had a family home or tradition. Never a safe space or a vault. But I always had my friends, and they unequivocally loved me back..."

READ KELLY'S STORY

MEET TROYA, the teacher who unexpectedly adopted her student in need of a family.

"I was at that school at the right time for our paths to cross. In my son David’s words: we were meant to be together...”

READ TROYA'S STORY

Social Identity Theory

In an age where connections can be as fleeting as a swipe on a screen, what anchors us to a sense of self? Where do we find the threads that weave the tapestry of 'us?'

The answer may lie not in the strands of DNA we share, but in the shared experiences and emotional ties we foster.

Social Identity Theory provides a robust framework for understanding how individuals derive their sense of identity from the social groups to which they belong.

The theory suggests that our self-concept is significantly influenced by our affiliations, whether they be familial, cultural, or community-based.

Adoptive families and chosen communities are prime examples of how social identification forms a cornerstone of our psychological makeup.

➣ Go Deeper: Social Identity Theory

Quote

“It’s important to realize that we adopt not because we are rescuers. No. We adopt because we are rescued.”

- David Platt

The Scientific Benefits Of Belonging

Belonging to a group or community is more than a social nicety—it's a psychological necessity. Studies have consistently shown that social support networks are vital for our mental and physical health.

The American Psychological Association highlights that supportive social networks can help us manage stress and lead to healthier, happier lives.

The families we choose and the communities we grow with can become integral parts of our identity, as vital as any biological connection. In these relationships, we find affirmation, joy, and the shared humanity that binds us.

➣ Go Deeper: Is Having A Sense Of Belonging Important?

QUIZ: Which of the following statements about the communities we choose is true?

1. They're limited and mostly out of our control
2. They have no impact on our identity
3. They have the power to provide joy and happiness
4. They're less impactful than biological connections

Beyond LWM: Take A Chance On Me

After being in foster care since age 10, two failed adoptions, and now living in a juvenile detention center because no one would open their home, Darien had given up on finding a family. But after a young couple told Darien they wanted him to come live with them, he had to decide if he would give family one more try or just age out of foster care.

How To Strengthen Social Connections

According to Social Identity Theory, our group memberships play a pivotal role in crafting our identities. Research by psychologists has linked social belonging to improved mental health and reduced stress levels.

A meta-analysis published in the journal 'Psychological Bulletin' found that a strong social connection increases longevity and can be a buffer against mental health conditions like depression and anxiety.

With that in mind, here are four strategies for forming new and strong social connections:

Forge Connections: Seek out local or online communities that reflect your interests and values. These can offer support and a sense of belonging.
Support Systems: For adoptive families, joining support groups can be invaluable. Sharing experiences with those on a similar path can reinforce a sense of community.
Nurture Traditions: Create and maintain shared rituals within your community. These can strengthen group identity and provide a sense of security and belonging.
Recognize Diversity: Celebrate the unique backgrounds and stories within your community. This diversity can enrich the social fabric of your group.

➣ Go Deeper: The Connection Prescription

POLL: Which of the following affirmations will you be adopting today?

1. "I exist, therefore I belong..."
2. "I am worthy of love and friendship..."
3. "I am allowed to take up space..."
4. "It's never too late to find my people..."

Community Spotlight

Dive into the heartwarming stories and inspiring journeys of fellow Living Better members!

Each week, we'll highlight your very own experiences, challenges, and triumphs to showcase hope, kindness, and overcoming adversity.

In honor of National Adoption Month, join us in celebrating Chelsea's powerful story of overcoming, with help from her children's foster mom:

“They say a picture is worth a thousand words, but after hearing my story, you will only see one: redemption.

The first time I saw my son was the first time I knew I needed to change.

I was 25, divorced, and living in a cycle of brokenness and addiction. I started having children 10 years earlier; there were three others and I did not have custody of any of them.

As soon as Isiah was born, I was aware he'd be removed from me and even though I was heartbroken about how much I'd let my child down, I was relieved he made it out alive.

I'd used meth right before I went into labor, and had no prenatal care and lots of birthing complications. I was in bad shape and to say I'd hit rock bottom would be an understatement.

But my story didn’t end like that; it was actually just starting.

That was the last day I chose drugs. I went to rehab and accepted spirituality into my life. I made every parent visit, did every class, and passed every drug test. I worked my butt off to reunify just 8 months later.

Today my marriage has been restored, I am in the process of getting my GED, and healing from many years of unprocessed trauma. All four of my kids are back together, with me, in my care.

I’m thankful for the foster mom who felt my brokenness and gave me the support and love I didn’t feel worthy of. She saw my hurt and when all the odds were stacked against me, she never gave up on me; she fought alongside me.”

- Chelsea, Living Better subscriber